content/blog/2008/08/on-leading.markdown @ ea8fc8881489

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title = "On Leading"
snip = "Some of my thoughts on leading after five years of doing it."
date = 2008-08-01T15:28:33Z
draft = false

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For those of you that don't know, one of the things I do with my free time is
dancing. I've been swing dancing (Lindy Hop) for about five years, blues
dancing for a year or so, and recently started learning tango. All of these
dances are improvised partner dances and so rely heavily on leading and
following. People do make routines but at least 95% of it is unrehearsed
social dancing with partners you might have never met.

As a male I'm usually in the role of leader, though I do try to follow when I
get the chance. I've learned a lot over the years so I'm going to write a few
posts about leading, and this is the first. I'm going to use the traditional
pronouns to make things easier to read, but everything applies to both genders
in both roles.

Beginning
-----

When a guy is first taught how to swing dance (or blues, or tango; everything
I'm saying applies to all three) he's usually taught that his main job is to
lead. This sounds obvious, but it's a lot for a beginner to take in. He has to
learn the footwork and ingrain it into his memory so it becomes automatic,
which takes some time. The next step is learning individual moves: not only
how to do them himself but also how to lead a follower to do them at the same
time. It takes coordination and most of all practice.

Leading at this point involves clearly showing the follower where she should
go and what she should do. "Placing the follower's weight" is a concept that's
a bit tricky but very useful. If a leader isn't clear in his leading the
follower won't be able to follow him unless she "cheats" and just does what
she knows he wants her to do (because she's danced with him before and so
knows what he's trying to do). This falls apart when the leader dances with a
new partner. Without leading and following swing dancing just doesn't work, so
leading clearly is the main role of a beginner guy.

Moving On
-----

Let me take a second to explain something I see happen very often with leaders
that take classes and progress nicely in their skill. Once the leader gets the
basics down pat and starts learning more moves, there seems to be a tendency
to learn things that let him show off. The followers get to really shine in
Lindy Hop quite a bit, so it's only natural for the guys to want to measure up
and look cool themselves. Unfortunately I think this gets in the way of my
next idea.

I think once a leader reaches a point where he's comfortable with the
structure of the dance and has a repertoire of moves and vocabulary of
movements, his role changes. His job is no longer "lead." His role becomes
*"lead the follower you are dancing with right now."*

Every follower is different. Every single one has a different level of
experience, a different style, and a different personality (as it relates to
dancing). If the leader simply leads every dance the same way, those dances
are not as good as they could be. An "advanced" leader leading a beginner
follower in a lot of complicated movements she's not capable of following yet
turns into a complete mess. He goes away from the dance feeling bored or
frustrated (or worse, arrogant) and she goes away feeling confused,
discouraged or angry. This is not a good thing.

Paying attention to the follow's level is critical. I'm not saying "only do
moves that the follower has learned and can easily follow." Pushing the
follower slightly beyond her comfortable, "automatic" level is wonderful and
helps her immensely; but going totally over her head and confusing the hell
out of her just so he can show off (to her or others) is obnoxious. This also
works in reverse: followers, please challenge your leaders but be mindful of
their skill.

Experience isn't the only difference between followers. Each follower has her
own style that won't always fit perfectly with the leader's personal style.
Adjusting his style to mesh better with hers makes the connection between
partners so much better, which makes the dance that much more fun. This also
works both ways. Followers are generally better at "listening" to their
partner because it's their main job; if a lead makes an effort to really
listen to the follow and change his leading to incorporate her ideas,
personality, style and level it makes an enormous difference.

The point I'm trying to make is that "leading" a follower is not just leading.
It's paying attention to the follower and leading *her*.