# HG changeset patch
# User Steve Losh <steve@stevelosh.com>
# Date 1595796557 14400
# Node ID 84fa1724b747f9e779a67005abaca937ad0092ae
# Parent  b2decfc394fa8f6ba39a695c929f90242ec46b9d
More work on the Huffman encoder and basic project skeleton

diff -r b2decfc394fa -r 84fa1724b747 data/alice.txt
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
+
+Author: Lewis Carroll
+
+Release Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11]
+Last Updated: February 22, 2020
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
+
+
+
+Produced by Arthur DiBianca and David Widger
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
+
+by Lewis Carroll
+
+THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
+
+Contents
+
+ CHAPTER I.     Down the Rabbit-Hole
+ CHAPTER II.    The Pool of Tears
+ CHAPTER III.   A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
+ CHAPTER IV.    The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
+ CHAPTER V.     Advice from a Caterpillar
+ CHAPTER VI.    Pig and Pepper
+ CHAPTER VII.   A Mad Tea-Party
+ CHAPTER VIII.  The Queen’s Croquet-Ground
+ CHAPTER IX.    The Mock Turtle’s Story
+ CHAPTER X.     The Lobster Quadrille
+ CHAPTER XI.    Who Stole the Tarts?
+ CHAPTER XII.   Alice’s Evidence
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+Down the Rabbit-Hole
+
+
+Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
+bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into
+the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or
+conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice
+“without pictures or conversations?”
+
+So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
+hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of
+making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
+picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
+close by her.
+
+There was nothing so _very_ remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it
+so _very_ much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, “Oh
+dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!” (when she thought it over afterwards,
+it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the
+time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually _took a
+watch out of its waistcoat-pocket_, and looked at it, and then hurried
+on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she
+had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a
+watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the
+field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a
+large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
+
+In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
+in the world she was to get out again.
+
+The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
+dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
+about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very
+deep well.
+
+Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
+plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what
+was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out
+what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
+looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
+cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
+hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she
+passed; it was labelled “ORANGE MARMALADE”, but to her great
+disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
+of killing somebody underneath, so managed to put it into one of the
+cupboards as she fell past it.
+
+“Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after such a fall as this, I shall
+think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they’ll all think me
+at home! Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the
+top of the house!” (Which was very likely true.)
+
+Down, down, down. Would the fall _never_ come to an end? “I wonder how
+many miles I’ve fallen by this time?” she said aloud. “I must be
+getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would
+be four thousand miles down, I think—” (for, you see, Alice had learnt
+several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and
+though this was not a _very_ good opportunity for showing off her
+knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good
+practice to say it over) “—yes, that’s about the right distance—but
+then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got to?” (Alice had no
+idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice
+grand words to say.)
+
+Presently she began again. “I wonder if I shall fall right _through_
+the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out among the people that walk
+with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think—” (she was rather
+glad there _was_ no one listening, this time, as it didn’t sound at all
+the right word) “—but I shall have to ask them what the name of the
+country is, you know. Please, Ma’am, is this New Zealand or Australia?”
+(and she tried to curtsey as she spoke—fancy _curtseying_ as you’re
+falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) “And what
+an ignorant little girl she’ll think me for asking! No, it’ll never do
+to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.”
+
+Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
+talking again. “Dinah’ll miss me very much to-night, I should think!”
+(Dinah was the cat.) “I hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk at
+tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are
+no mice in the air, I’m afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that’s
+very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?” And here
+Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a
+dreamy sort of way, “Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?” and
+sometimes, “Do bats eat cats?” for, you see, as she couldn’t answer
+either question, it didn’t much matter which way she put it. She felt
+that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was
+walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly,
+“Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?” when suddenly,
+thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and
+the fall was over.
+
+Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
+she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
+long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down
+it. There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind,
+and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, “Oh my ears
+and whiskers, how late it’s getting!” She was close behind it when she
+turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
+herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
+from the roof.
+
+There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
+Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
+door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
+get out again.
+
+Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
+glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice’s
+first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
+but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
+but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
+time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
+behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
+little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
+
+Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
+much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the
+passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get
+out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright
+flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head
+through the doorway; “and even if my head would go through,” thought
+poor Alice, “it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh,
+how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only
+knew how to begin.” For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had
+happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things
+indeed were really impossible.
+
+There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
+back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
+any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
+time she found a little bottle on it, (“which certainly was not here
+before,” said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
+label, with the words “DRINK ME,” beautifully printed on it in large
+letters.
+
+It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but the wise little Alice was
+not going to do _that_ in a hurry. “No, I’ll look first,” she said,
+“and see whether it’s marked ‘_poison_’ or not”; for she had read
+several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and
+eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they
+_would_ not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them:
+such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long;
+and that if you cut your finger _very_ deeply with a knife, it usually
+bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a
+bottle marked “poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with you,
+sooner or later.
+
+However, this bottle was _not_ marked “poison,” so Alice ventured to
+taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed
+flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and
+hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+    *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+
+“What a curious feeling!” said Alice; “I must be shutting up like a
+telescope.”
+
+And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
+brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
+through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
+waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
+she felt a little nervous about this; “for it might end, you know,”
+said Alice to herself, “in my going out altogether, like a candle. I
+wonder what I should be like then?” And she tried to fancy what the
+flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could
+not remember ever having seen such a thing.
+
+After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
+into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
+door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
+went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
+it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
+best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
+and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
+sat down and cried.
+
+“Come, there’s no use in crying like that!” said Alice to herself,
+rather sharply; “I advise you to leave off this minute!” She generally
+gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
+and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
+her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
+cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
+for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
+“But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “to pretend to be two
+people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make _one_ respectable
+person!”
+
+Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
+she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
+“EAT ME” were beautifully marked in currants. “Well, I’ll eat it,” said
+Alice, “and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
+makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I’ll
+get into the garden, and I don’t care which happens!”
+
+She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, “Which way? Which
+way?”, holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
+growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
+size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
+had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
+things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go
+on in the common way.
+
+So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+    *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+The Pool of Tears
+
+
+“Curiouser and curiouser!” cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
+for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); “now I’m
+opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!”
+(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
+sight, they were getting so far off). “Oh, my poor little feet, I
+wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I’m
+sure _I_ shan’t be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
+myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;—but I must be
+kind to them,” thought Alice, “or perhaps they won’t walk the way I
+want to go! Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair of boots every
+Christmas.”
+
+And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. “They must
+go by the carrier,” she thought; “and how funny it’ll seem, sending
+presents to one’s own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
+
+     _Alice’s Right Foot, Esq., Hearthrug, near the Fender,_ (_with
+     Alice’s love_).
+
+Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!”
+
+Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
+now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
+key and hurried off to the garden door.
+
+Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
+look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
+hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
+
+“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said Alice, “a great girl like
+you,” (she might well say this), “to go on crying in this way! Stop
+this moment, I tell you!” But she went on all the same, shedding
+gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about
+four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.
+
+After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
+she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
+Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves
+in one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a
+great hurry, muttering to himself as he came, “Oh! the Duchess, the
+Duchess! Oh! won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her waiting!” Alice felt
+so desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the
+Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, “If you please,
+sir—” The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and
+the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
+
+Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
+kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: “Dear, dear! How
+queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
+I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
+same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling
+a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is, Who
+in the world am I? Ah, _that’s_ the great puzzle!” And she began
+thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as
+herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of them.
+
+“I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “for her hair goes in such long
+ringlets, and mine doesn’t go in ringlets at all; and I’m sure I can’t
+be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
+very little! Besides, _she’s_ she, and _I’m_ I, and—oh dear, how
+puzzling it all is! I’ll try if I know all the things I used to know.
+Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen,
+and four times seven is—oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that
+rate! However, the Multiplication Table doesn’t signify: let’s try
+Geography. London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of
+Rome, and Rome—no, _that’s_ all wrong, I’m certain! I must have been
+changed for Mabel! I’ll try and say ‘_How doth the little_—’” and she
+crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began
+to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words
+did not come the same as they used to do:—
+
+“How doth the little crocodile
+    Improve his shining tail,
+And pour the waters of the Nile
+    On every golden scale!
+
+“How cheerfully he seems to grin,
+    How neatly spread his claws,
+And welcome little fishes in
+    With gently smiling jaws!”
+
+
+“I’m sure those are not the right words,” said poor Alice, and her eyes
+filled with tears again as she went on, “I must be Mabel after all, and
+I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
+no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I’ve
+made up my mind about it; if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! It’ll be
+no use their putting their heads down and saying ‘Come up again, dear!’
+I shall only look up and say ‘Who am I then? Tell me that first, and
+then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up: if not, I’ll stay down
+here till I’m somebody else’—but, oh dear!” cried Alice, with a sudden
+burst of tears, “I do wish they _would_ put their heads down! I am so
+_very_ tired of being all alone here!”
+
+As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
+that she had put on one of the Rabbit’s little white kid gloves while
+she was talking. “How _can_ I have done that?” she thought. “I must be
+growing small again.” She got up and went to the table to measure
+herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was
+now about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon
+found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she
+dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
+
+“That _was_ a narrow escape!” said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
+sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; “and
+now for the garden!” and she ran with all speed back to the little
+door: but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden
+key was lying on the glass table as before, “and things are worse than
+ever,” thought the poor child, “for I never was so small as this
+before, never! And I declare it’s too bad, that it is!”
+
+As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment,
+splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that
+she had somehow fallen into the sea, “and in that case I can go back by
+railway,” she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
+her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
+to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
+sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
+of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she
+soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when
+she was nine feet high.
+
+“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying
+to find her way out. “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
+being drowned in my own tears! That _will_ be a queer thing, to be
+sure! However, everything is queer to-day.”
+
+Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
+off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
+it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
+she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
+slipped in like herself.
+
+“Would it be of any use, now,” thought Alice, “to speak to this mouse?
+Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
+likely it can talk: at any rate, there’s no harm in trying.” So she
+began: “O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
+of swimming about here, O Mouse!” (Alice thought this must be the right
+way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
+she remembered having seen in her brother’s Latin Grammar, “A mouse—of
+a mouse—to a mouse—a mouse—O mouse!”) The Mouse looked at her rather
+inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
+but it said nothing.
+
+“Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” thought Alice; “I daresay it’s
+a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.” (For, with all
+her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
+anything had happened.) So she began again: “Où est ma chatte?” which
+was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
+sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with
+fright. “Oh, I beg your pardon!” cried Alice hastily, afraid that she
+had hurt the poor animal’s feelings. “I quite forgot you didn’t like
+cats.”
+
+“Not like cats!” cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. “Would
+_you_ like cats if you were me?”
+
+“Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a soothing tone: “don’t be angry
+about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you’d
+take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear
+quiet thing,” Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about
+in the pool, “and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her
+paws and washing her face—and she is such a nice soft thing to
+nurse—and she’s such a capital one for catching mice—oh, I beg your
+pardon!” cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all
+over, and she felt certain it must be really offended. “We won’t talk
+about her any more if you’d rather not.”
+
+“We indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
+tail. “As if _I_ would talk on such a subject! Our family always
+_hated_ cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don’t let me hear the name
+again!”
+
+“I won’t indeed!” said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
+conversation. “Are you—are you fond—of—of dogs?” The Mouse did not
+answer, so Alice went on eagerly: “There is such a nice little dog near
+our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
+know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it’ll fetch things when
+you throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
+of things—I can’t remember half of them—and it belongs to a farmer, you
+know, and he says it’s so useful, it’s worth a hundred pounds! He says
+it kills all the rats and—oh dear!” cried Alice in a sorrowful tone,
+“I’m afraid I’ve offended it again!” For the Mouse was swimming away
+from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the
+pool as it went.
+
+So she called softly after it, “Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
+won’t talk about cats or dogs either, if you don’t like them!” When the
+Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its face
+was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
+trembling voice, “Let us get to the shore, and then I’ll tell you my
+history, and you’ll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.”
+
+It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
+birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a
+Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice
+led the way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
+
+
+They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank—the
+birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
+to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
+
+The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
+consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite
+natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if
+she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument
+with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, “I am
+older than you, and must know better;” and this Alice would not allow
+without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to
+tell its age, there was no more to be said.
+
+At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
+called out, “Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! _I’ll_ soon make
+you dry enough!” They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the
+Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she
+felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
+
+“Ahem!” said the Mouse with an important air, “are you all ready? This
+is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! ‘William
+the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
+to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
+accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
+Mercia and Northumbria—’”
+
+“Ugh!” said the Lory, with a shiver.
+
+“I beg your pardon!” said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: “Did
+you speak?”
+
+“Not I!” said the Lory hastily.
+
+“I thought you did,” said the Mouse. “—I proceed. ‘Edwin and Morcar,
+the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even
+Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable—’”
+
+“Found _what_?” said the Duck.
+
+“Found _it_,” the Mouse replied rather crossly: “of course you know
+what ‘it’ means.”
+
+“I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when _I_ find a thing,” said the
+Duck: “it’s generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
+archbishop find?”
+
+The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, “‘—found
+it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him
+the crown. William’s conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence
+of his Normans—’ How are you getting on now, my dear?” it continued,
+turning to Alice as it spoke.
+
+“As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melancholy tone: “it doesn’t seem to
+dry me at all.”
+
+“In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, “I move
+that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
+remedies—”
+
+“Speak English!” said the Eaglet. “I don’t know the meaning of half
+those long words, and, what’s more, I don’t believe you do either!” And
+the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
+tittered audibly.
+
+“What I was going to say,” said the Dodo in an offended tone, “was,
+that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.”
+
+“What _is_ a Caucus-race?” said Alice; not that she wanted much to
+know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that _somebody_ ought to
+speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
+
+“Why,” said the Dodo, “the best way to explain it is to do it.” (And,
+as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will
+tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
+
+First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (“the exact
+shape doesn’t matter,” it said,) and then all the party were placed
+along the course, here and there. There was no “One, two, three, and
+away,” but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
+liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
+when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry
+again, the Dodo suddenly called out “The race is over!” and they all
+crowded round it, panting, and asking, “But who has won?”
+
+This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of
+thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its
+forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the
+pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo
+said, “_Everybody_ has won, and all must have prizes.”
+
+“But who is to give the prizes?” quite a chorus of voices asked.
+
+“Why, _she_, of course,” said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one
+finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a
+confused way, “Prizes! Prizes!”
+
+Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
+pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
+not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly
+one a-piece, all round.
+
+“But she must have a prize herself, you know,” said the Mouse.
+
+“Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely. “What else have you got in
+your pocket?” he went on, turning to Alice.
+
+“Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly.
+
+“Hand it over here,” said the Dodo.
+
+Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
+presented the thimble, saying “We beg your acceptance of this elegant
+thimble;” and, when it had finished this short speech, they all
+cheered.
+
+Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
+that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
+to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as
+she could.
+
+The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
+confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
+theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
+However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
+begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
+
+“You promised to tell me your history, you know,” said Alice, “and why
+it is you hate—C and D,” she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
+would be offended again.
+
+“Mine is a long and a sad tale!” said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
+sighing.
+
+“It _is_ a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, looking down with wonder
+at the Mouse’s tail; “but why do you call it sad?” And she kept on
+puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the
+tale was something like this:—
+
+         “Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, ‘Let us both
+         go to law: _I_ will prosecute _you_.—Come, I’ll take no
+         denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning I’ve
+         nothing to do.’ Said the mouse to the cur, ‘Such a trial, dear
+         sir, With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath.’
+         ‘I’ll be judge, I’ll be jury,’ Said cunning old Fury: ‘I’ll
+         try the whole cause, and condemn you to death.’”
+
+“You are not attending!” said the Mouse to Alice severely. “What are
+you thinking of?”
+
+“I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly: “you had got to the fifth
+bend, I think?”
+
+“I had _not!_” cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
+
+“A knot!” said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
+anxiously about her. “Oh, do let me help to undo it!”
+
+“I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the Mouse, getting up and
+walking away. “You insult me by talking such nonsense!”
+
+“I didn’t mean it!” pleaded poor Alice. “But you’re so easily offended,
+you know!”
+
+The Mouse only growled in reply.
+
+“Please come back and finish your story!” Alice called after it; and
+the others all joined in chorus, “Yes, please do!” but the Mouse only
+shook its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
+
+“What a pity it wouldn’t stay!” sighed the Lory, as soon as it was
+quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to
+her daughter “Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
+_your_ temper!” “Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the young Crab, a little
+snappishly. “You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!”
+
+“I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!” said Alice aloud,
+addressing nobody in particular. “She’d soon fetch it back!”
+
+“And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?” said the
+Lory.
+
+Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
+“Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a capital one for catching mice you
+can’t think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
+she’ll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!”
+
+This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
+birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
+carefully, remarking, “I really must be getting home; the night-air
+doesn’t suit my throat!” and a Canary called out in a trembling voice
+to its children, “Come away, my dears! It’s high time you were all in
+bed!” On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left
+alone.
+
+“I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!” she said to herself in a melancholy
+tone. “Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I’m sure she’s the best
+cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
+any more!” And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
+lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a
+little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
+eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was
+coming back to finish his story.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
+
+
+It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
+anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
+it muttering to itself “The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
+my fur and whiskers! She’ll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
+ferrets! Where _can_ I have dropped them, I wonder?” Alice guessed in a
+moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid
+gloves, and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but
+they were nowhere to be seen—everything seemed to have changed since
+her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the
+little door, had vanished completely.
+
+Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
+called out to her in an angry tone, “Why, Mary Ann, what _are_ you
+doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and
+a fan! Quick, now!” And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off
+at once in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the
+mistake it had made.
+
+“He took me for his housemaid,” she said to herself as she ran. “How
+surprised he’ll be when he finds out who I am! But I’d better take him
+his fan and gloves—that is, if I can find them.” As she said this, she
+came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
+plate with the name “W. RABBIT,” engraved upon it. She went in without
+knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
+real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
+fan and gloves.
+
+“How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, “to be going messages for
+a rabbit! I suppose Dinah’ll be sending me on messages next!” And she
+began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: “‘Miss Alice! Come
+here directly, and get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute,
+nurse! But I’ve got to see that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I
+don’t think,” Alice went on, “that they’d let Dinah stop in the house
+if it began ordering people about like that!”
+
+By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
+in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three
+pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the
+gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a
+little bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label
+this time with the words “DRINK ME,” but nevertheless she uncorked it
+and put it to her lips. “I know _something_ interesting is sure to
+happen,” she said to herself, “whenever I eat or drink anything; so
+I’ll just see what this bottle does. I do hope it’ll make me grow large
+again, for really I’m quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!”
+
+It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
+drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
+and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
+down the bottle, saying to herself “That’s quite enough—I hope I shan’t
+grow any more—As it is, I can’t get out at the door—I do wish I hadn’t
+drunk quite so much!”
+
+Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
+and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
+was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
+one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
+Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
+of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself “Now I
+can do no more, whatever happens. What _will_ become of me?”
+
+Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
+and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
+seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
+again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
+
+“It was much pleasanter at home,” thought poor Alice, “when one wasn’t
+always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
+rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole—and yet—and
+yet—it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
+_can_ have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied
+that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of
+one! There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And
+when I grow up, I’ll write one—but I’m grown up now,” she added in a
+sorrowful tone; “at least there’s no room to grow up any more _here_.”
+
+“But then,” thought Alice, “shall I _never_ get any older than I am
+now? That’ll be a comfort, one way—never to be an old woman—but
+then—always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn’t like _that!_”
+
+“Oh, you foolish Alice!” she answered herself. “How can you learn
+lessons in here? Why, there’s hardly room for _you_, and no room at all
+for any lesson-books!”
+
+And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and
+making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes
+she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
+
+“Mary Ann! Mary Ann!” said the voice. “Fetch me my gloves this moment!”
+Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
+the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
+house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as
+large as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
+
+Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
+the door opened inwards, and Alice’s elbow was pressed hard against it,
+that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself “Then I’ll
+go round and get in at the window.”
+
+“_That_ you won’t!” thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
+she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
+hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
+but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
+from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
+cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
+
+Next came an angry voice—the Rabbit’s—“Pat! Pat! Where are you?” And
+then a voice she had never heard before, “Sure then I’m here! Digging
+for apples, yer honour!”
+
+“Digging for apples, indeed!” said the Rabbit angrily. “Here! Come and
+help me out of _this!_” (Sounds of more broken glass.)
+
+“Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?”
+
+“Sure, it’s an arm, yer honour!” (He pronounced it “arrum.”)
+
+“An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
+window!”
+
+“Sure, it does, yer honour: but it’s an arm for all that.”
+
+“Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!”
+
+There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
+now and then; such as, “Sure, I don’t like it, yer honour, at all, at
+all!” “Do as I tell you, you coward!” and at last she spread out her
+hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
+_two_ little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. “What a number
+of cucumber-frames there must be!” thought Alice. “I wonder what
+they’ll do next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they
+_could!_ I’m sure _I_ don’t want to stay in here any longer!”
+
+She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
+rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices all
+talking together: she made out the words: “Where’s the other
+ladder?—Why, I hadn’t to bring but one; Bill’s got the other—Bill!
+fetch it here, lad!—Here, put ’em up at this corner—No, tie ’em
+together first—they don’t reach half high enough yet—Oh! they’ll do
+well enough; don’t be particular—Here, Bill! catch hold of this
+rope—Will the roof bear?—Mind that loose slate—Oh, it’s coming down!
+Heads below!” (a loud crash)—“Now, who did that?—It was Bill, I
+fancy—Who’s to go down the chimney?—Nay, _I_ shan’t! _You_ do
+it!—_That_ I won’t, then!—Bill’s to go down—Here, Bill! the master says
+you’re to go down the chimney!”
+
+“Oh! So Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has he?” said Alice to
+herself. “Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn’t be in
+Bill’s place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
+I _think_ I can kick a little!”
+
+She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited till
+she heard a little animal (she couldn’t guess of what sort it was)
+scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
+saying to herself “This is Bill,” she gave one sharp kick, and waited
+to see what would happen next.
+
+The first thing she heard was a general chorus of “There goes Bill!”
+then the Rabbit’s voice along—“Catch him, you by the hedge!” then
+silence, and then another confusion of voices—“Hold up his head—Brandy
+now—Don’t choke him—How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
+us all about it!”
+
+Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (“That’s Bill,” thought
+Alice,) “Well, I hardly know—No more, thank ye; I’m better now—but I’m
+a deal too flustered to tell you—all I know is, something comes at me
+like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!”
+
+“So you did, old fellow!” said the others.
+
+“We must burn the house down!” said the Rabbit’s voice; and Alice
+called out as loud as she could, “If you do, I’ll set Dinah at you!”
+
+There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, “I
+wonder what they _will_ do next! If they had any sense, they’d take the
+roof off.” After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
+Alice heard the Rabbit say, “A barrowful will do, to begin with.”
+
+“A barrowful of _what?_” thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
+for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
+window, and some of them hit her in the face. “I’ll put a stop to
+this,” she said to herself, and shouted out, “You’d better not do that
+again!” which produced another dead silence.
+
+Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
+little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
+head. “If I eat one of these cakes,” she thought, “it’s sure to make
+_some_ change in my size; and as it can’t possibly make me larger, it
+must make me smaller, I suppose.”
+
+So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
+began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get
+through the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of
+little animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill,
+was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
+something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
+appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
+safe in a thick wood.
+
+“The first thing I’ve got to do,” said Alice to herself, as she
+wandered about in the wood, “is to grow to my right size again; and the
+second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that
+will be the best plan.”
+
+It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
+arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
+how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
+the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
+great hurry.
+
+An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
+feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. “Poor little
+thing!” said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to
+it; but she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it
+might be hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in
+spite of all her coaxing.
+
+Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
+held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
+all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
+and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
+to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
+other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
+over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
+very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
+moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
+the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
+little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
+all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
+its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
+
+This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
+set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath,
+and till the puppy’s bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
+
+“And yet what a dear little puppy it was!” said Alice, as she leant
+against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
+leaves: “I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if—if I’d
+only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I’d nearly forgotten that
+I’ve got to grow up again! Let me see—how _is_ it to be managed? I
+suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
+question is, what?”
+
+The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
+the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
+looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
+There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
+herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
+behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
+was on the top of it.
+
+She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
+mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
+that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a
+long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything
+else.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+Advice from a Caterpillar
+
+
+The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in
+silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and
+addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
+
+“Who are _you?_” said the Caterpillar.
+
+This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
+rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know
+who I _was_ when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
+changed several times since then.”
+
+“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar sternly. “Explain
+yourself!”
+
+“I can’t explain _myself_, I’m afraid, sir,” said Alice, “because I’m
+not myself, you see.”
+
+“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,” Alice replied very politely,
+“for I can’t understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
+different sizes in a day is very confusing.”
+
+“It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” said Alice; “but when you
+have to turn into a chrysalis—you will some day, you know—and then
+after that into a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little
+queer, won’t you?”
+
+“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” said Alice; “all I know
+is, it would feel very queer to _me_.”
+
+“You!” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. “Who are _you?_”
+
+Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
+Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar’s making such _very_
+short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, “I
+think, you ought to tell me who _you_ are, first.”
+
+“Why?” said the Caterpillar.
+
+Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
+good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a _very_ unpleasant
+state of mind, she turned away.
+
+“Come back!” the Caterpillar called after her. “I’ve something
+important to say!”
+
+This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
+
+“Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
+could.
+
+“No,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do,
+and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For
+some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded
+its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, “So you
+think you’re changed, do you?”
+
+“I’m afraid I am, sir,” said Alice; “I can’t remember things as I
+used—and I don’t keep the same size for ten minutes together!”
+
+“Can’t remember _what_ things?” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Well, I’ve tried to say “How doth the little busy bee,” but it all
+came different!” Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
+
+“Repeat, “_You are old, Father William_,’” said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice folded her hands, and began:—
+
+“You are old, Father William,” the young man said,
+    “And your hair has become very white;
+And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
+    Do you think, at your age, it is right?”
+
+“In my youth,” Father William replied to his son,
+    “I feared it might injure the brain;
+But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
+    Why, I do it again and again.”
+
+“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before,
+    And have grown most uncommonly fat;
+Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door—
+    Pray, what is the reason of that?”
+
+“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
+    “I kept all my limbs very supple
+By the use of this ointment—one shilling the box—
+    Allow me to sell you a couple?”
+
+“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak
+    For anything tougher than suet;
+Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak—
+    Pray, how did you manage to do it?”
+
+“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law,
+    And argued each case with my wife;
+And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
+    Has lasted the rest of my life.”
+
+“You are old,” said the youth, “one would hardly suppose
+    That your eye was as steady as ever;
+Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose—
+    What made you so awfully clever?”
+
+“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
+    Said his father; “don’t give yourself airs!
+Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
+    Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!”
+
+
+“That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Not _quite_ right, I’m afraid,” said Alice, timidly; “some of the
+words have got altered.”
+
+“It is wrong from beginning to end,” said the Caterpillar decidedly,
+and there was silence for some minutes.
+
+The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
+
+“What size do you want to be?” it asked.
+
+“Oh, I’m not particular as to size,” Alice hastily replied; “only one
+doesn’t like changing so often, you know.”
+
+“I _don’t_ know,” said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
+before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
+
+“Are you content now?” said the Caterpillar.
+
+“Well, I should like to be a _little_ larger, sir, if you wouldn’t
+mind,” said Alice: “three inches is such a wretched height to be.”
+
+“It is a very good height indeed!” said the Caterpillar angrily,
+rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
+
+“But I’m not used to it!” pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she
+thought of herself, “I wish the creatures wouldn’t be so easily
+offended!”
+
+“You’ll get used to it in time,” said the Caterpillar; and it put the
+hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
+
+This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a
+minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and
+yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
+mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
+“One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
+grow shorter.”
+
+“One side of _what?_ The other side of _what?_” thought Alice to
+herself.
+
+“Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
+aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
+
+Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute,
+trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was
+perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at
+last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke
+off a bit of the edge with each hand.
+
+“And now which is which?” she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
+the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a
+violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
+
+She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
+that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
+set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
+so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
+mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
+lefthand bit.
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+    *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+*      *      *      *      *      *      *
+
+
+“Come, my head’s free at last!” said Alice in a tone of delight, which
+changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
+were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
+an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
+sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
+
+“What _can_ all that green stuff be?” said Alice. “And where _have_ my
+shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can’t see you?”
+She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
+except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
+
+As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head,
+she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that
+her neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She
+had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was
+going to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but
+the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp
+hiss made her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her
+face, and was beating her violently with its wings.
+
+“Serpent!” screamed the Pigeon.
+
+“I’m _not_ a serpent!” said Alice indignantly. “Let me alone!”
+
+“Serpent, I say again!” repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued
+tone, and added with a kind of sob, “I’ve tried every way, and nothing
+seems to suit them!”
+
+“I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking about,” said Alice.
+
+“I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried banks, and I’ve tried
+hedges,” the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; “but those
+serpents! There’s no pleasing them!”
+
+Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
+saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
+
+“As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs,” said the Pigeon;
+“but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
+haven’t had a wink of sleep these three weeks!”
+
+“I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” said Alice, who was beginning to
+see its meaning.
+
+“And just as I’d taken the highest tree in the wood,” continued the
+Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, “and just as I was thinking I
+should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down
+from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!”
+
+“But I’m _not_ a serpent, I tell you!” said Alice. “I’m a—I’m a—”
+
+“Well! _What_ are you?” said the Pigeon. “I can see you’re trying to
+invent something!”
+
+“I—I’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
+the number of changes she had gone through that day.
+
+“A likely story indeed!” said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
+contempt. “I’ve seen a good many little girls in my time, but never
+_one_ with such a neck as that! No, no! You’re a serpent; and there’s
+no use denying it. I suppose you’ll be telling me next that you never
+tasted an egg!”
+
+“I _have_ tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, who was a very truthful
+child; “but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
+know.”
+
+“I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon; “but if they do, why then
+they’re a kind of serpent, that’s all I can say.”
+
+This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
+minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, “You’re
+looking for eggs, I know _that_ well enough; and what does it matter to
+me whether you’re a little girl or a serpent?”
+
+“It matters a good deal to _me_,” said Alice hastily; “but I’m not
+looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn’t want
+_yours_: I don’t like them raw.”
+
+“Well, be off, then!” said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
+down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well
+as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches,
+and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while
+she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands,
+and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at
+the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until
+she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
+
+It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
+felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
+and began talking to herself, as usual. “Come, there’s half my plan
+done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I’m never sure what I’m
+going to be, from one minute to another! However, I’ve got back to my
+right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden—how
+_is_ that to be done, I wonder?” As she said this, she came suddenly
+upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.
+“Whoever lives there,” thought Alice, “it’ll never do to come upon them
+_this_ size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!” So she
+began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go
+near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+Pig and Pepper
+
+
+For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
+to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
+wood—(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
+otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
+fish)—and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by
+another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
+frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled
+all over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all
+about, and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
+
+The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
+nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
+saying, in a solemn tone, “For the Duchess. An invitation from the
+Queen to play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn
+tone, only changing the order of the words a little, “From the Queen.
+An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.”
+
+Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
+
+Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood
+for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
+Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
+door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
+
+Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
+
+“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the Footman, “and that for
+two reasons. First, because I’m on the same side of the door as you
+are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could
+possibly hear you.” And certainly there _was_ a most extraordinary
+noise going on within—a constant howling and sneezing, and every now
+and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to
+pieces.
+
+“Please, then,” said Alice, “how am I to get in?”
+
+“There might be some sense in your knocking,” the Footman went on
+without attending to her, “if we had the door between us. For instance,
+if you were _inside_, you might knock, and I could let you out, you
+know.” He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and
+this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. “But perhaps he can’t help it,”
+she said to herself; “his eyes are so _very_ nearly at the top of his
+head. But at any rate he might answer questions.—How am I to get in?”
+she repeated, aloud.
+
+“I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, “till tomorrow—”
+
+At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
+skimming out, straight at the Footman’s head: it just grazed his nose,
+and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
+
+“—or next day, maybe,” the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
+as if nothing had happened.
+
+“How am I to get in?” asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
+
+“_Are_ you to get in at all?” said the Footman. “That’s the first
+question, you know.”
+
+It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. “It’s really
+dreadful,” she muttered to herself, “the way all the creatures argue.
+It’s enough to drive one crazy!”
+
+The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
+remark, with variations. “I shall sit here,” he said, “on and off, for
+days and days.”
+
+“But what am _I_ to do?” said Alice.
+
+“Anything you like,” said the Footman, and began whistling.
+
+“Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said Alice desperately: “he’s
+perfectly idiotic!” And she opened the door and went in.
+
+The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
+one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool
+in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire,
+stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
+
+“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice said to
+herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
+
+There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezed
+occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
+alternately without a moment’s pause. The only things in the kitchen
+that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting
+on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
+
+“Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
+not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, “why
+your cat grins like that?”
+
+“It’s a Cheshire cat,” said the Duchess, “and that’s why. Pig!”
+
+She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
+jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the
+baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:—
+
+“I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t
+know that cats _could_ grin.”
+
+“They all can,” said the Duchess; “and most of ’em do.”
+
+“I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said very politely, feeling quite
+pleased to have got into a conversation.
+
+“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; “and that’s a fact.”
+
+Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
+be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
+was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
+fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
+the Duchess and the baby—the fire-irons came first; then followed a
+shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
+them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
+that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
+
+“Oh, _please_ mind what you’re doing!” cried Alice, jumping up and down
+in an agony of terror. “Oh, there goes his _precious_ nose!” as an
+unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it
+off.
+
+“If everybody minded their own business,” the Duchess said in a hoarse
+growl, “the world would go round a deal faster than it does.”
+
+“Which would _not_ be an advantage,” said Alice, who felt very glad to
+get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. “Just
+think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the
+earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis—”
+
+“Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop off her head!”
+
+Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
+the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
+be listening, so she went on again: “Twenty-four hours, I _think_; or
+is it twelve? I—”
+
+“Oh, don’t bother _me_,” said the Duchess; “I never could abide
+figures!” And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a
+sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at
+the end of every line:
+
+“Speak roughly to your little boy,
+    And beat him when he sneezes:
+He only does it to annoy,
+    Because he knows it teases.”
+
+
+CHORUS.
+(In which the cook and the baby joined):
+
+
+“Wow! wow! wow!”
+
+
+While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
+the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
+that Alice could hardly hear the words:—
+
+“I speak severely to my boy,
+    I beat him when he sneezes;
+For he can thoroughly enjoy
+    The pepper when he pleases!”
+
+
+CHORUS.
+
+
+“Wow! wow! wow!”
+
+
+“Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice,
+flinging the baby at her as she spoke. “I must go and get ready to play
+croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room. The cook
+threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
+
+Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
+little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions,
+“just like a star-fish,” thought Alice. The poor little thing was
+snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling
+itself up and straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for
+the first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
+
+As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
+twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
+ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it
+out into the open air. “If I don’t take this child away with me,”
+thought Alice, “they’re sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn’t it be
+murder to leave it behind?” She said the last words out loud, and the
+little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
+“Don’t grunt,” said Alice; “that’s not at all a proper way of
+expressing yourself.”
+
+The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
+to see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
+a _very_ turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also
+its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did
+not like the look of the thing at all. “But perhaps it was only
+sobbing,” she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there
+were any tears.
+
+No, there were no tears. “If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,”
+said Alice, seriously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
+now!” The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
+to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
+
+Alice was just beginning to think to herself, “Now, what am I to do
+with this creature when I get it home?” when it grunted again, so
+violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time
+there could be _no_ mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than
+a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it
+further.
+
+So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it
+trot away quietly into the wood. “If it had grown up,” she said to
+herself, “it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
+rather a handsome pig, I think.” And she began thinking over other
+children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
+to herself, “if one only knew the right way to change them—” when she
+was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of
+a tree a few yards off.
+
+The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
+thought: still it had _very_ long claws and a great many teeth, so she
+felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
+
+“Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
+whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little
+wider. “Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought Alice, and she went on.
+“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
+
+“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
+
+“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
+
+“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
+
+“—so long as I get _somewhere_,” Alice added as an explanation.
+
+“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long
+enough.”
+
+Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
+question. “What sort of people live about here?”
+
+“In _that_ direction,” the Cat said, waving its right paw round, “lives
+a Hatter: and in _that_ direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a
+March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.”
+
+“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
+
+“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad.
+You’re mad.”
+
+“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
+
+“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
+
+Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she went on “And how
+do you know that you’re mad?”
+
+“To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s not mad. You grant that?”
+
+“I suppose so,” said Alice.
+
+“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see, a dog growls when it’s angry,
+and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now _I_ growl when I’m pleased,
+and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.”
+
+“_I_ call it purring, not growling,” said Alice.
+
+“Call it what you like,” said the Cat. “Do you play croquet with the
+Queen to-day?”
+
+“I should like it very much,” said Alice, “but I haven’t been invited
+yet.”
+
+“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished.
+
+Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
+things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
+it suddenly appeared again.
+
+“By-the-bye, what became of the baby?” said the Cat. “I’d nearly
+forgotten to ask.”
+
+“It turned into a pig,” Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
+in a natural way.
+
+“I thought it would,” said the Cat, and vanished again.
+
+Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
+appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
+which the March Hare was said to live. “I’ve seen hatters before,” she
+said to herself; “the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
+perhaps as this is May it won’t be raving mad—at least not so mad as it
+was in March.” As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
+again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
+
+“Did you say pig, or fig?” said the Cat.
+
+“I said pig,” replied Alice; “and I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing
+and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.”
+
+“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
+beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
+remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
+
+“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a
+grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!”
+
+She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of
+the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
+chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
+was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
+nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself
+to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather
+timidly, saying to herself “Suppose it should be raving mad after all!
+I almost wish I’d gone to see the Hatter instead!”
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+A Mad Tea-Party
+
+
+There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
+March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
+between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
+cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. “Very
+uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” thought Alice; “only, as it’s asleep,
+I suppose it doesn’t mind.”
+
+The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
+one corner of it: “No room! No room!” they cried out when they saw
+Alice coming. “There’s _plenty_ of room!” said Alice indignantly, and
+she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
+
+“Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
+
+Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
+“I don’t see any wine,” she remarked.
+
+“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare.
+
+“Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” said Alice angrily.
+
+“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited,” said
+the March Hare.
+
+“I didn’t know it was _your_ table,” said Alice; “it’s laid for a great
+many more than three.”
+
+“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. He had been looking at
+Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first
+speech.
+
+“You should learn not to make personal remarks,” Alice said with some
+severity; “it’s very rude.”
+
+The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he _said_
+was, “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
+
+“Come, we shall have some fun now!” thought Alice. “I’m glad they’ve
+begun asking riddles.—I believe I can guess that,” she added aloud.
+
+“Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?” said
+the March Hare.
+
+“Exactly so,” said Alice.
+
+“Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.
+
+“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least—at least I mean what I
+say—that’s the same thing, you know.”
+
+“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. “You might just as well
+say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!”
+
+“You might just as well say,” added the March Hare, “that ‘I like what
+I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I like’!”
+
+“You might just as well say,” added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
+talking in his sleep, “that ‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same thing
+as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!”
+
+“It _is_ the same thing with you,” said the Hatter, and here the
+conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while
+Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and
+writing-desks, which wasn’t much.
+
+The Hatter was the first to break the silence. “What day of the month
+is it?” he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
+pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
+and holding it to his ear.
+
+Alice considered a little, and then said “The fourth.”
+
+“Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter. “I told you butter wouldn’t suit
+the works!” he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
+
+“It was the _best_ butter,” the March Hare meekly replied.
+
+“Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,” the Hatter grumbled:
+“you shouldn’t have put it in with the bread-knife.”
+
+The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
+it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
+nothing better to say than his first remark, “It was the _best_ butter,
+you know.”
+
+Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. “What a
+funny watch!” she remarked. “It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t
+tell what o’clock it is!”
+
+“Why should it?” muttered the Hatter. “Does _your_ watch tell you what
+year it is?”
+
+“Of course not,” Alice replied very readily: “but that’s because it
+stays the same year for such a long time together.”
+
+“Which is just the case with _mine_,” said the Hatter.
+
+Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s remark seemed to have no
+sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. “I don’t quite
+understand you,” she said, as politely as she could.
+
+“The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hatter, and he poured a little
+hot tea upon its nose.
+
+The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
+eyes, “Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.”
+
+“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice
+again.
+
+“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “what’s the answer?”
+
+“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter.
+
+“Nor I,” said the March Hare.
+
+Alice sighed wearily. “I think you might do something better with the
+time,” she said, “than waste it in asking riddles that have no
+answers.”
+
+“If you knew Time as well as I do,” said the Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk
+about wasting _it_. It’s _him_.”
+
+“I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice.
+
+“Of course you don’t!” the Hatter said, tossing his head
+contemptuously. “I dare say you never even spoke to Time!”
+
+“Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied: “but I know I have to beat
+time when I learn music.”
+
+“Ah! that accounts for it,” said the Hatter. “He won’t stand beating.
+Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything
+you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in
+the morning, just time to begin lessons: you’d only have to whisper a
+hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
+time for dinner!”
+
+(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
+
+“That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice thoughtfully: “but then—I
+shouldn’t be hungry for it, you know.”
+
+“Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter: “but you could keep it to
+half-past one as long as you liked.”
+
+“Is that the way _you_ manage?” Alice asked.
+
+The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “Not I!” he replied. “We
+quarrelled last March—just before _he_ went mad, you know—” (pointing
+with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) “—it was at the great concert
+given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
+
+‘Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
+How I wonder what you’re at!’
+
+
+You know the song, perhaps?”
+
+“I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice.
+
+“It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, “in this way:—
+
+‘Up above the world you fly,
+Like a tea-tray in the sky.
+                    Twinkle, twinkle—’”
+
+
+Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep
+“_Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle_—” and went on so long that they
+had to pinch it to make it stop.
+
+“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “when the
+Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his
+head!’”
+
+“How dreadfully savage!” exclaimed Alice.
+
+“And ever since that,” the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, “he won’t
+do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.”
+
+A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is that the reason so many
+tea-things are put out here?” she asked.
+
+“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s always tea-time,
+and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.”
+
+“Then you keep moving round, I suppose?” said Alice.
+
+“Exactly so,” said the Hatter: “as the things get used up.”
+
+“But what happens when you come to the beginning again?” Alice ventured
+to ask.
+
+“Suppose we change the subject,” the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
+“I’m getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.”
+
+“I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, rather alarmed at the
+proposal.
+
+“Then the Dormouse shall!” they both cried. “Wake up, Dormouse!” And
+they pinched it on both sides at once.
+
+The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. “I wasn’t asleep,” he said in a
+hoarse, feeble voice: “I heard every word you fellows were saying.”
+
+“Tell us a story!” said the March Hare.
+
+“Yes, please do!” pleaded Alice.
+
+“And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, “or you’ll be asleep again
+before it’s done.”
+
+“Once upon a time there were three little sisters,” the Dormouse began
+in a great hurry; “and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
+they lived at the bottom of a well—”
+
+“What did they live on?” said Alice, who always took a great interest
+in questions of eating and drinking.
+
+“They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
+two.
+
+“They couldn’t have done that, you know,” Alice gently remarked;
+“they’d have been ill.”
+
+“So they were,” said the Dormouse; “_very_ ill.”
+
+Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
+living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: “But
+why did they live at the bottom of a well?”
+
+“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
+
+“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone, “so I can’t
+take more.”
+
+“You mean you can’t take _less_,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to
+take _more_ than nothing.”
+
+“Nobody asked _your_ opinion,” said Alice.
+
+“Who’s making personal remarks now?” the Hatter asked triumphantly.
+
+Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to
+some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
+repeated her question. “Why did they live at the bottom of a well?”
+
+The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
+said, “It was a treacle-well.”
+
+“There’s no such thing!” Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
+Hatter and the March Hare went “Sh! sh!” and the Dormouse sulkily
+remarked, “If you can’t be civil, you’d better finish the story for
+yourself.”
+
+“No, please go on!” Alice said very humbly; “I won’t interrupt again. I
+dare say there may be _one_.”
+
+“One, indeed!” said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
+go on. “And so these three little sisters—they were learning to draw,
+you know—”
+
+“What did they draw?” said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
+
+“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
+
+“I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hatter: “let’s all move one place
+on.”
+
+He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
+moved into the Dormouse’s place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the
+place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
+advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
+before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
+
+Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
+cautiously: “But I don’t understand. Where did they draw the treacle
+from?”
+
+“You can draw water out of a water-well,” said the Hatter; “so I should
+think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well—eh, stupid?”
+
+“But they were _in_ the well,” Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing
+to notice this last remark.
+
+“Of course they were,” said the Dormouse; “—well in.”
+
+This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
+some time without interrupting it.
+
+“They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
+its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; “and they drew all manner of
+things—everything that begins with an M—”
+
+“Why with an M?” said Alice.
+
+“Why not?” said the March Hare.
+
+Alice was silent.
+
+The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a
+doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a
+little shriek, and went on: “—that begins with an M, such as
+mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness—you know you say
+things are “much of a muchness”—did you ever see such a thing as a
+drawing of a muchness?”
+
+“Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very much confused, “I don’t
+think—”
+
+“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter.
+
+This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
+great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
+neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
+looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
+the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
+the teapot.
+
+“At any rate I’ll never go _there_ again!” said Alice as she picked her
+way through the wood. “It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in
+all my life!”
+
+Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
+leading right into it. “That’s very curious!” she thought. “But
+everything’s curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.” And
+in she went.
+
+Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
+glass table. “Now, I’ll manage better this time,” she said to herself,
+and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
+led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom
+(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot
+high: then she walked down the little passage: and _then_—she found
+herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds
+and the cool fountains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+The Queen’s Croquet-Ground
+
+
+A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
+growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
+painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she
+went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard
+one of them say, “Look out now, Five! Don’t go splashing paint over me
+like that!”
+
+“I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky tone; “Seven jogged my
+elbow.”
+
+On which Seven looked up and said, “That’s right, Five! Always lay the
+blame on others!”
+
+“_You’d_ better not talk!” said Five. “I heard the Queen say only
+yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!”
+
+“What for?” said the one who had spoken first.
+
+“That’s none of _your_ business, Two!” said Seven.
+
+“Yes, it _is_ his business!” said Five, “and I’ll tell him—it was for
+bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.”
+
+Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun “Well, of all the unjust
+things—” when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
+them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also,
+and all of them bowed low.
+
+“Would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are
+painting those roses?”
+
+Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
+voice, “Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
+_red_ rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
+was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So
+you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to—” At this
+moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
+out “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners instantly threw
+themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
+and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
+
+First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the
+three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
+corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
+diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
+the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
+jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all
+ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens,
+and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a
+hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went
+by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying
+the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this
+grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
+
+Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
+like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
+of such a rule at processions; “and besides, what would be the use of a
+procession,” thought she, “if people had all to lie down upon their
+faces, so that they couldn’t see it?” So she stood still where she was,
+and waited.
+
+When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
+at her, and the Queen said severely “Who is this?” She said it to the
+Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
+
+“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
+Alice, she went on, “What’s your name, child?”
+
+“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” said Alice very politely;
+but she added, to herself, “Why, they’re only a pack of cards, after
+all. I needn’t be afraid of them!”
+
+“And who are _these?_” said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners
+who were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were lying on
+their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of
+the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers,
+or courtiers, or three of her own children.
+
+“How should _I_ know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage. “It’s
+no business of _mine_.”
+
+The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
+moment like a wild beast, screamed “Off with her head! Off—”
+
+“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
+silent.
+
+The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “Consider, my
+dear: she is only a child!”
+
+The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave “Turn
+them over!”
+
+The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
+
+“Get up!” said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
+gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
+the royal children, and everybody else.
+
+“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen. “You make me giddy.” And then,
+turning to the rose-tree, she went on, “What _have_ you been doing
+here?”
+
+“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a very humble tone, going
+down on one knee as he spoke, “we were trying—”
+
+“_I_ see!” said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
+“Off with their heads!” and the procession moved on, three of the
+soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
+to Alice for protection.
+
+“You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and she put them into a large
+flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
+minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
+others.
+
+“Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen.
+
+“Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” the soldiers shouted
+in reply.
+
+“That’s right!” shouted the Queen. “Can you play croquet?”
+
+The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
+evidently meant for her.
+
+“Yes!” shouted Alice.
+
+“Come on, then!” roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
+wondering very much what would happen next.
+
+“It’s—it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice at her side. She was
+walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
+
+“Very,” said Alice: “—where’s the Duchess?”
+
+“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
+anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
+tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered “She’s under
+sentence of execution.”
+
+“What for?” said Alice.
+
+“Did you say ‘What a pity!’?” the Rabbit asked.
+
+“No, I didn’t,” said Alice: “I don’t think it’s at all a pity. I said
+‘What for?’”
+
+“She boxed the Queen’s ears—” the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
+scream of laughter. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
+tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
+Queen said—”
+
+“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
+people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
+other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
+began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground
+in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live
+hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double
+themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
+
+The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
+she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough,
+under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she
+had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the
+hedgehog a blow with its head, it _would_ twist itself round and look
+up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help
+bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was
+going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog
+had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all
+this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she
+wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were
+always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice
+soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
+
+The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
+all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time
+the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
+shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” about once in a
+minute.
+
+Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
+dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
+“and then,” thought she, “what would become of me? They’re dreadfully
+fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there’s any
+one left alive!”
+
+She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
+could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious
+appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after
+watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said
+to herself “It’s the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk
+to.”
+
+“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
+enough for it to speak with.
+
+Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. “It’s no use
+speaking to it,” she thought, “till its ears have come, or at least one
+of them.” In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
+down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
+she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there
+was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
+
+“I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice began, in rather a
+complaining tone, “and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can’t hear
+oneself speak—and they don’t seem to have any rules in particular; at
+least, if there are, nobody attends to them—and you’ve no idea how
+confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there’s the
+arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
+ground—and I should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only
+it ran away when it saw mine coming!”
+
+“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a low voice.
+
+“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so extremely—” Just then she noticed
+that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
+“—likely to win, that it’s hardly worth while finishing the game.”
+
+The Queen smiled and passed on.
+
+“Who _are_ you talking to?” said the King, going up to Alice, and
+looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.
+
+“It’s a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat,” said Alice: “allow me to
+introduce it.”
+
+“I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the King: “however, it may
+kiss my hand if it likes.”
+
+“I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked.
+
+“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “and don’t look at me like
+that!” He got behind Alice as he spoke.
+
+“A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “I’ve read that in some book,
+but I don’t remember where.”
+
+“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very decidedly, and he called
+the Queen, who was passing at the moment, “My dear! I wish you would
+have this cat removed!”
+
+The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or
+small. “Off with his head!” she said, without even looking round.
+
+“I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King eagerly, and he
+hurried off.
+
+Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
+on, as she heard the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming with
+passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
+executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
+of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
+whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
+
+The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
+to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
+other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to
+the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a
+helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
+
+By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
+was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: “but it doesn’t
+matter much,” thought Alice, “as all the arches are gone from this side
+of the ground.” So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
+escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
+friend.
+
+When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite
+a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
+the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
+while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
+
+The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
+the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
+all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
+what they said.
+
+The executioner’s argument was, that you couldn’t cut off a head unless
+there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
+thing before, and he wasn’t going to begin at _his_ time of life.
+
+The King’s argument was, that anything that had a head could be
+beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk nonsense.
+
+The Queen’s argument was, that if something wasn’t done about it in
+less than no time she’d have everybody executed, all round. (It was
+this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and
+anxious.)
+
+Alice could think of nothing else to say but “It belongs to the
+Duchess: you’d better ask _her_ about it.”
+
+“She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the executioner: “fetch her here.”
+And the executioner went off like an arrow.
+
+The Cat’s head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
+time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared; so
+the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it,
+while the rest of the party went back to the game.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+The Mock Turtle’s Story
+
+
+“You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!”
+said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice’s,
+and they walked off together.
+
+Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
+to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
+savage when they met in the kitchen.
+
+“When _I’m_ a Duchess,” she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful
+tone though), “I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen _at all_. Soup
+does very well without—Maybe it’s always pepper that makes people
+hot-tempered,” she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new
+kind of rule, “and vinegar that makes them sour—and camomile that makes
+them bitter—and—and barley-sugar and such things that make children
+sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew _that_: then they wouldn’t be
+so stingy about it, you know—”
+
+She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
+startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. “You’re thinking
+about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t
+tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
+a bit.”
+
+“Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to remark.
+
+“Tut, tut, child!” said the Duchess. “Everything’s got a moral, if only
+you can find it.” And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s side as
+she spoke.
+
+Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
+Duchess was _very_ ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
+right height to rest her chin upon Alice’s shoulder, and it was an
+uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
+bore it as well as she could.
+
+“The game’s going on rather better now,” she said, by way of keeping up
+the conversation a little.
+
+“’Tis so,” said the Duchess: “and the moral of that is—‘Oh, ’tis love,
+’tis love, that makes the world go round!’”
+
+“Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “that it’s done by everybody minding
+their own business!”
+
+“Ah, well! It means much the same thing,” said the Duchess, digging her
+sharp little chin into Alice’s shoulder as she added, “and the moral of
+_that_ is—‘Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
+themselves.’”
+
+“How fond she is of finding morals in things!” Alice thought to
+herself.
+
+“I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist,”
+the Duchess said after a pause: “the reason is, that I’m doubtful about
+the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?”
+
+“He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious
+to have the experiment tried.
+
+“Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
+the moral of that is—‘Birds of a feather flock together.’”
+
+“Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked.
+
+“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess: “what a clear way you have of
+putting things!”
+
+“It’s a mineral, I _think_,” said Alice.
+
+“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
+everything that Alice said; “there’s a large mustard-mine near here.
+And the moral of that is—‘The more there is of mine, the less there is
+of yours.’”
+
+“Oh, I know!” exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last
+remark, “it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.”
+
+“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess; “and the moral of that
+is—‘Be what you would seem to be’—or if you’d like it put more
+simply—‘Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
+appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
+otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
+otherwise.’”
+
+“I think I should understand that better,” Alice said very politely,
+“if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.”
+
+“That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,” the Duchess replied,
+in a pleased tone.
+
+“Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,” said
+Alice.
+
+“Oh, don’t talk about trouble!” said the Duchess. “I make you a present
+of everything I’ve said as yet.”
+
+“A cheap sort of present!” thought Alice. “I’m glad they don’t give
+birthday presents like that!” But she did not venture to say it out
+loud.
+
+“Thinking again?” the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
+little chin.
+
+“I’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
+feel a little worried.
+
+“Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, “as pigs have to fly; and
+the m—”
+
+But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’s voice died away,
+even in the middle of her favourite word ‘moral,’ and the arm that was
+linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the
+Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a
+thunderstorm.
+
+“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
+
+“Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the Queen, stamping on the
+ground as she spoke; “either you or your head must be off, and that in
+about half no time! Take your choice!”
+
+The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
+
+“Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too
+much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
+croquet-ground.
+
+The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen’s absence, and were
+resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
+back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment’s delay
+would cost them their lives.
+
+All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling
+with the other players, and shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with
+her head!” Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the
+soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so
+that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and
+all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody
+and under sentence of execution.
+
+Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, “Have
+you seen the Mock Turtle yet?”
+
+“No,” said Alice. “I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.”
+
+“It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,” said the Queen.
+
+“I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice.
+
+“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he shall tell you his history,”
+
+As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
+to the company generally, “You are all pardoned.” “Come, _that’s_ a
+good thing!” she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
+number of executions the Queen had ordered.
+
+They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (If
+you don’t know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) “Up, lazy
+thing!” said the Queen, “and take this young lady to see the Mock
+Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
+executions I have ordered;” and she walked off, leaving Alice alone
+with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature,
+but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it
+as to go after that savage Queen: so she waited.
+
+The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
+she was out of sight: then it chuckled. “What fun!” said the Gryphon,
+half to itself, half to Alice.
+
+“What _is_ the fun?” said Alice.
+
+“Why, _she_,” said the Gryphon. “It’s all her fancy, that: they never
+executes nobody, you know. Come on!”
+
+“Everybody says ‘come on!’ here,” thought Alice, as she went slowly
+after it: “I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!”
+
+They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
+sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
+nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
+pitied him deeply. “What is his sorrow?” she asked the Gryphon, and the
+Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, “It’s all
+his fancy, that: he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on!”
+
+So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
+full of tears, but said nothing.
+
+“This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, “she wants for to know your
+history, she do.”
+
+“I’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: “sit
+down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.”
+
+So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
+herself, “I don’t see how he can _ever_ finish, if he doesn’t begin.”
+But she waited patiently.
+
+“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, “I was a real
+Turtle.”
+
+These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
+occasional exclamation of “Hjckrrh!” from the Gryphon, and the constant
+heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
+saying, “Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,” but she could not
+help thinking there _must_ be more to come, so she sat still and said
+nothing.
+
+“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
+though still sobbing a little now and then, “we went to school in the
+sea. The master was an old Turtle—we used to call him Tortoise—”
+
+“Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?” Alice asked.
+
+“We called him Tortoise because he taught us,” said the Mock Turtle
+angrily: “really you are very dull!”
+
+“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
+question,” added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked
+at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the
+Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, “Drive on, old fellow! Don’t be all
+day about it!” and he went on in these words:
+
+“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn’t believe it—”
+
+“I never said I didn’t!” interrupted Alice.
+
+“You did,” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“Hold your tongue!” added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
+The Mock Turtle went on.
+
+“We had the best of educations—in fact, we went to school every day—”
+
+“_I’ve_ been to a day-school, too,” said Alice; “you needn’t be so
+proud as all that.”
+
+“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
+
+“Yes,” said Alice, “we learned French and music.”
+
+“And washing?” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“Certainly not!” said Alice indignantly.
+
+“Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good school,” said the Mock Turtle in a
+tone of great relief. “Now at _ours_ they had at the end of the bill,
+‘French, music, _and washing_—extra.’”
+
+“You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said Alice; “living at the bottom
+of the sea.”
+
+“I couldn’t afford to learn it.” said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. “I
+only took the regular course.”
+
+“What was that?” inquired Alice.
+
+“Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” the Mock Turtle
+replied; “and then the different branches of Arithmetic—Ambition,
+Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.”
+
+“I never heard of ‘Uglification,’” Alice ventured to say. “What is it?”
+
+The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. “What! Never heard of
+uglifying!” it exclaimed. “You know what to beautify is, I suppose?”
+
+“Yes,” said Alice doubtfully: “it means—to—make—anything—prettier.”
+
+“Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you don’t know what to uglify
+is, you _are_ a simpleton.”
+
+Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so
+she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said “What else had you to learn?”
+
+“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the
+subjects on his flappers, “—Mystery, ancient and modern, with
+Seaography: then Drawling—the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
+that used to come once a week: _he_ taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
+Fainting in Coils.”
+
+“What was _that_ like?” said Alice.
+
+“Well, I can’t show it you myself,” the Mock Turtle said: “I’m too
+stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.”
+
+“Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon: “I went to the Classics master,
+though. He was an old crab, _he_ was.”
+
+“I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: “he taught
+Laughing and Grief, they used to say.”
+
+“So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
+creatures hid their faces in their paws.
+
+“And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry
+to change the subject.
+
+“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so
+on.”
+
+“What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.
+
+“That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked:
+“because they lessen from day to day.”
+
+This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
+before she made her next remark. “Then the eleventh day must have been
+a holiday?”
+
+“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“And how did you manage on the twelfth?” Alice went on eagerly.
+
+“That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon interrupted in a very
+decided tone: “tell her something about the games now.”
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+The Lobster Quadrille
+
+
+The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
+his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
+two sobs choked his voice. “Same as if he had a bone in his throat,”
+said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
+the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
+running down his cheeks, he went on again:—
+
+“You may not have lived much under the sea—” (“I haven’t,” said
+Alice)—“and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster—”
+(Alice began to say “I once tasted—” but checked herself hastily, and
+said “No, never”) “—so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
+Lobster Quadrille is!”
+
+“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a dance is it?”
+
+“Why,” said the Gryphon, “you first form into a line along the
+sea-shore—”
+
+“Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle. “Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
+then, when you’ve cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way—”
+
+“_That_ generally takes some time,” interrupted the Gryphon.
+
+“—you advance twice—”
+
+“Each with a lobster as a partner!” cried the Gryphon.
+
+“Of course,” the Mock Turtle said: “advance twice, set to partners—”
+
+“—change lobsters, and retire in same order,” continued the Gryphon.
+
+“Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, “you throw the—”
+
+“The lobsters!” shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
+
+“—as far out to sea as you can—”
+
+“Swim after them!” screamed the Gryphon.
+
+“Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
+about.
+
+“Change lobsters again!” yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
+
+“Back to land again, and that’s all the first figure,” said the Mock
+Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had
+been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very
+sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
+
+“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly.
+
+“Would you like to see a little of it?” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“Very much indeed,” said Alice.
+
+“Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the Mock Turtle to the
+Gryphon. “We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?”
+
+“Oh, _you_ sing,” said the Gryphon. “I’ve forgotten the words.”
+
+So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
+then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
+forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
+and sadly:—
+
+“Will you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail.
+“There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.
+See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
+They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the dance?
+Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
+Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?
+
+“You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
+When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!”
+But the snail replied “Too far, too far!” and gave a look askance—
+Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
+Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
+Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
+
+“What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied.
+“There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
+The further off from England the nearer is to France—
+Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
+Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
+Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?”
+
+
+“Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch,” said Alice,
+feeling very glad that it was over at last: “and I do so like that
+curious song about the whiting!”
+
+“Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock Turtle, “they—you’ve seen them,
+of course?”
+
+“Yes,” said Alice, “I’ve often seen them at dinn—” she checked herself
+hastily.
+
+“I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said the Mock Turtle, “but if you’ve
+seen them so often, of course you know what they’re like.”
+
+“I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “They have their tails in
+their mouths—and they’re all over crumbs.”
+
+“You’re wrong about the crumbs,” said the Mock Turtle: “crumbs would
+all wash off in the sea. But they _have_ their tails in their mouths;
+and the reason is—” here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his
+eyes.—“Tell her about the reason and all that,” he said to the Gryphon.
+
+“The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “that they _would_ go with the
+lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to
+fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they
+couldn’t get them out again. That’s all.”
+
+“Thank you,” said Alice, “it’s very interesting. I never knew so much
+about a whiting before.”
+
+“I can tell you more than that, if you like,” said the Gryphon. “Do you
+know why it’s called a whiting?”
+
+“I never thought about it,” said Alice. “Why?”
+
+“_It does the boots and shoes_,” the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
+
+Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “Does the boots and shoes!” she repeated
+in a wondering tone.
+
+“Why, what are _your_ shoes done with?” said the Gryphon. “I mean, what
+makes them so shiny?”
+
+Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
+answer. “They’re done with blacking, I believe.”
+
+“Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
+“are done with a whiting. Now you know.”
+
+“And what are they made of?” Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
+
+“Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
+“any shrimp could have told you that.”
+
+“If I’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose thoughts were still
+running on the song, “I’d have said to the porpoise, ‘Keep back,
+please: we don’t want _you_ with us!’”
+
+“They were obliged to have him with them,” the Mock Turtle said: “no
+wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.”
+
+“Wouldn’t it really?” said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
+
+“Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle: “why, if a fish came to _me_,
+and told me he was going a journey, I should say ‘With what porpoise?’”
+
+“Don’t you mean ‘purpose’?” said Alice.
+
+“I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
+the Gryphon added “Come, let’s hear some of _your_ adventures.”
+
+“I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning,” said
+Alice a little timidly: “but it’s no use going back to yesterday,
+because I was a different person then.”
+
+“Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“No, no! The adventures first,” said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
+“explanations take such a dreadful time.”
+
+So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
+saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
+the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
+their eyes and mouths so _very_ wide, but she gained courage as she
+went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part
+about her repeating “_You are old, Father William_,” to the
+Caterpillar, and the words all coming different, and then the Mock
+Turtle drew a long breath, and said “That’s very curious.”
+
+“It’s all about as curious as it can be,” said the Gryphon.
+
+“It all came different!” the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. “I
+should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
+begin.” He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
+authority over Alice.
+
+“Stand up and repeat ‘’_Tis the voice of the sluggard_,’” said the
+Gryphon.
+
+“How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!”
+thought Alice; “I might as well be at school at once.” However, she got
+up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
+Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
+very queer indeed:—
+
+“’Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
+“You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.”
+As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
+Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.”
+
+[later editions continued as follows
+When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
+And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
+But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
+His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
+
+
+“That’s different from what _I_ used to say when I was a child,” said
+the Gryphon.
+
+“Well, I never heard it before,” said the Mock Turtle; “but it sounds
+uncommon nonsense.”
+
+Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
+wondering if anything would _ever_ happen in a natural way again.
+
+“I should like to have it explained,” said the Mock Turtle.
+
+“She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon hastily. “Go on with the next
+verse.”
+
+“But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle persisted. “How _could_ he turn
+them out with his nose, you know?”
+
+“It’s the first position in dancing.” Alice said; but was dreadfully
+puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
+
+“Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon repeated impatiently: “it
+begins ‘_I passed by his garden_.’”
+
+Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
+wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:—
+
+“I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
+How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie—”
+
+[later editions continued as follows
+The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
+While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
+When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
+Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
+While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
+And concluded the banquet—]
+
+
+“What _is_ the use of repeating all that stuff,” the Mock Turtle
+interrupted, “if you don’t explain it as you go on? It’s by far the
+most confusing thing _I_ ever heard!”
+
+“Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said the Gryphon: and Alice was
+only too glad to do so.
+
+“Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?” the Gryphon
+went on. “Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?”
+
+“Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,” Alice
+replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
+“Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her ‘_Turtle Soup_,’ will you, old
+fellow?”
+
+The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
+with sobs, to sing this:—
+
+“Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
+Waiting in a hot tureen!
+Who for such dainties would not stoop?
+Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
+Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
+    Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
+    Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
+Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,
+    Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
+
+“Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
+Game, or any other dish?
+Who would not give all else for two p
+ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
+Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
+    Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
+    Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!
+Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,
+    Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!”
+
+
+“Chorus again!” cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
+to repeat it, when a cry of “The trial’s beginning!” was heard in the
+distance.
+
+“Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
+off, without waiting for the end of the song.
+
+“What trial is it?” Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
+answered “Come on!” and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
+came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:—
+
+“Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,
+    Beautiful, beautiful Soup!”
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+Who Stole the Tarts?
+
+
+The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
+arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them—all sorts of little
+birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
+standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
+him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one
+hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the
+court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so
+good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them—“I wish they’d
+get the trial done,” she thought, “and hand round the refreshments!”
+But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at
+everything about her, to pass away the time.
+
+Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
+about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
+the name of nearly everything there. “That’s the judge,” she said to
+herself, “because of his great wig.”
+
+The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
+wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he
+did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
+
+“And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, “and those twelve creatures,”
+(she was obliged to say “creatures,” you see, because some of them were
+animals, and some were birds,) “I suppose they are the jurors.” She
+said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather
+proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little
+girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, “jury-men”
+would have done just as well.
+
+The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. “What are
+they doing?” Alice whispered to the Gryphon. “They can’t have anything
+to put down yet, before the trial’s begun.”
+
+“They’re putting down their names,” the Gryphon whispered in reply,
+“for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.”
+
+“Stupid things!” Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she
+stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, “Silence in the
+court!” and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round,
+to make out who was talking.
+
+Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
+that all the jurors were writing down “stupid things!” on their slates,
+and she could even make out that one of them didn’t know how to spell
+“stupid,” and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. “A nice
+muddle their slates’ll be in before the trial’s over!” thought Alice.
+
+One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
+could _not_ stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
+very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
+that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
+at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he
+was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this
+was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
+
+“Herald, read the accusation!” said the King.
+
+On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
+unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:—
+
+“The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
+    All on a summer day:
+The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
+    And took them quite away!”
+
+
+“Consider your verdict,” the King said to the jury.
+
+“Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted. “There’s a great
+deal to come before that!”
+
+“Call the first witness,” said the King; and the White Rabbit blew
+three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, “First witness!”
+
+The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand
+and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. “I beg pardon, your
+Majesty,” he began, “for bringing these in: but I hadn’t quite finished
+my tea when I was sent for.”
+
+“You ought to have finished,” said the King. “When did you begin?”
+
+The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
+court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I _think_ it
+was,” he said.
+
+“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare.
+
+“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse.
+
+“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
+wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
+reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
+
+“Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter.
+
+“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter.
+
+“_Stolen!_” the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made
+a memorandum of the fact.
+
+“I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an explanation; “I’ve none
+of my own. I’m a hatter.”
+
+Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
+who turned pale and fidgeted.
+
+“Give your evidence,” said the King; “and don’t be nervous, or I’ll
+have you executed on the spot.”
+
+This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
+from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his
+confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
+bread-and-butter.
+
+Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
+her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
+grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
+the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was
+as long as there was room for her.
+
+“I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so.” said the Dormouse, who was sitting
+next to her. “I can hardly breathe.”
+
+“I can’t help it,” said Alice very meekly: “I’m growing.”
+
+“You’ve no right to grow _here_,” said the Dormouse.
+
+“Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice more boldly: “you know you’re growing
+too.”
+
+“Yes, but _I_ grow at a reasonable pace,” said the Dormouse: “not in
+that ridiculous fashion.” And he got up very sulkily and crossed over
+to the other side of the court.
+
+All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
+just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
+of the court, “Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!”
+on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes
+off.
+
+“Give your evidence,” the King repeated angrily, “or I’ll have you
+executed, whether you’re nervous or not.”
+
+“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
+“—and I hadn’t begun my tea—not above a week or so—and what with the
+bread-and-butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the tea—”
+
+“The twinkling of the _what?_” said the King.
+
+“It _began_ with the tea,” the Hatter replied.
+
+“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the King sharply. “Do you
+take me for a dunce? Go on!”
+
+“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and most things twinkled after
+that—only the March Hare said—”
+
+“I didn’t!” the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
+
+“You did!” said the Hatter.
+
+“I deny it!” said the March Hare.
+
+“He denies it,” said the King: “leave out that part.”
+
+“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said—” the Hatter went on, looking
+anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
+nothing, being fast asleep.
+
+“After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut some more bread-and-butter—”
+
+“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury asked.
+
+“That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter.
+
+“You _must_ remember,” remarked the King, “or I’ll have you executed.”
+
+The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
+down on one knee. “I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began.
+
+“You’re a _very_ poor _speaker_,” said the King.
+
+Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
+the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
+explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
+up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
+head first, and then sat upon it.)
+
+“I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. “I’ve so often read in
+the newspapers, at the end of trials, “There was some attempts at
+applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
+court,” and I never understood what it meant till now.”
+
+“If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down,” continued the
+King.
+
+“I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I’m on the floor, as it is.”
+
+“Then you may _sit_ down,” the King replied.
+
+Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
+
+“Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!” thought Alice. “Now we shall get
+on better.”
+
+“I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an anxious look at
+the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
+
+“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
+without even waiting to put his shoes on.
+
+“—and just take his head off outside,” the Queen added to one of the
+officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
+to the door.
+
+“Call the next witness!” said the King.
+
+The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried the pepper-box in
+her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
+court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
+
+“Give your evidence,” said the King.
+
+“Shan’t,” said the cook.
+
+The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
+“Your Majesty must cross-examine _this_ witness.”
+
+“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
+after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
+nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, “What are tarts made of?”
+
+“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook.
+
+“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her.
+
+“Collar that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked out. “Behead that Dormouse!
+Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
+whiskers!”
+
+For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
+turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
+disappeared.
+
+“Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great relief. “Call the
+next witness.” And he added in an undertone to the Queen, “Really, my
+dear, _you_ must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
+forehead ache!”
+
+Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling
+very curious to see what the next witness would be like, “—for they
+haven’t got much evidence _yet_,” she said to herself. Imagine her
+surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill
+little voice, the name “Alice!”
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+Alice’s Evidence
+
+
+“Here!” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
+large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
+a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
+upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
+they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of
+goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before.
+
+“Oh, I _beg_ your pardon!” she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
+began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident
+of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of
+idea that they must be collected at once and put back into the
+jury-box, or they would die.
+
+“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King in a very grave voice, “until
+all the jurymen are back in their proper places—_all_,” he repeated
+with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said so.
+
+Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
+the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
+tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon
+got it out again, and put it right; “not that it signifies much,” she
+said to herself; “I should think it would be _quite_ as much use in the
+trial one way up as the other.”
+
+As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
+upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
+them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
+accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
+anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
+court.
+
+“What do you know about this business?” the King said to Alice.
+
+“Nothing,” said Alice.
+
+“Nothing _whatever?_” persisted the King.
+
+“Nothing whatever,” said Alice.
+
+“That’s very important,” the King said, turning to the jury. They were
+just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White
+Rabbit interrupted: “_Un_important, your Majesty means, of course,” he
+said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as
+he spoke.
+
+“_Un_important, of course, I meant,” the King hastily said, and went on
+to himself in an undertone,
+
+“important—unimportant—unimportant—important—” as if he were trying
+which word sounded best.
+
+Some of the jury wrote it down “important,” and some “unimportant.”
+Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
+“but it doesn’t matter a bit,” she thought to herself.
+
+At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
+his note-book, cackled out “Silence!” and read out from his book, “Rule
+Forty-two. _All persons more than a mile high to leave the court_.”
+
+Everybody looked at Alice.
+
+“_I’m_ not a mile high,” said Alice.
+
+“You are,” said the King.
+
+“Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen.
+
+“Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,” said Alice: “besides, that’s not a
+regular rule: you invented it just now.”
+
+“It’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the King.
+
+“Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice.
+
+The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. “Consider your
+verdict,” he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
+
+“There’s more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,” said the
+White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; “this paper has just been
+picked up.”
+
+“What’s in it?” said the Queen.
+
+“I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White Rabbit, “but it seems to be a
+letter, written by the prisoner to—to somebody.”
+
+“It must have been that,” said the King, “unless it was written to
+nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.”
+
+“Who is it directed to?” said one of the jurymen.
+
+“It isn’t directed at all,” said the White Rabbit; “in fact, there’s
+nothing written on the _outside_.” He unfolded the paper as he spoke,
+and added “It isn’t a letter, after all: it’s a set of verses.”
+
+“Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?” asked another of the jurymen.
+
+“No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, “and that’s the queerest
+thing about it.” (The jury all looked puzzled.)
+
+“He must have imitated somebody else’s hand,” said the King. (The jury
+all brightened up again.)
+
+“Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “I didn’t write it, and they
+can’t prove I did: there’s no name signed at the end.”
+
+“If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, “that only makes the matter
+worse. You _must_ have meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed
+your name like an honest man.”
+
+There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
+clever thing the King had said that day.
+
+“That _proves_ his guilt,” said the Queen.
+
+“It proves nothing of the sort!” said Alice. “Why, you don’t even know
+what they’re about!”
+
+“Read them,” said the King.
+
+The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. “Where shall I begin, please
+your Majesty?” he asked.
+
+“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you
+come to the end: then stop.”
+
+These were the verses the White Rabbit read:—
+
+“They told me you had been to her,
+    And mentioned me to him:
+She gave me a good character,
+    But said I could not swim.
+
+He sent them word I had not gone
+    (We know it to be true):
+If she should push the matter on,
+    What would become of you?
+
+I gave her one, they gave him two,
+    You gave us three or more;
+They all returned from him to you,
+    Though they were mine before.
+
+If I or she should chance to be
+    Involved in this affair,
+He trusts to you to set them free,
+    Exactly as we were.
+
+My notion was that you had been
+    (Before she had this fit)
+An obstacle that came between
+    Him, and ourselves, and it.
+
+Don’t let him know she liked them best,
+    For this must ever be
+A secret, kept from all the rest,
+    Between yourself and me.”
+
+
+“That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet,” said the
+King, rubbing his hands; “so now let the jury—”
+
+“If any one of them can explain it,” said Alice, (she had grown so
+large in the last few minutes that she wasn’t a bit afraid of
+interrupting him,) “I’ll give him sixpence. _I_ don’t believe there’s
+an atom of meaning in it.”
+
+The jury all wrote down on their slates, “_She_ doesn’t believe there’s
+an atom of meaning in it,” but none of them attempted to explain the
+paper.
+
+“If there’s no meaning in it,” said the King, “that saves a world of
+trouble, you know, as we needn’t try to find any. And yet I don’t
+know,” he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at
+them with one eye; “I seem to see some meaning in them, after all.
+“—_said I could not swim_—” you can’t swim, can you?” he added, turning
+to the Knave.
+
+The Knave shook his head sadly. “Do I look like it?” he said. (Which he
+certainly did _not_, being made entirely of cardboard.)
+
+“All right, so far,” said the King, and he went on muttering over the
+verses to himself: “‘_We know it to be true_—’ that’s the jury, of
+course—‘_I gave her one, they gave him two_—’ why, that must be what he
+did with the tarts, you know—”
+
+“But, it goes on ‘_they all returned from him to you_,’” said Alice.
+
+“Why, there they are!” said the King triumphantly, pointing to the
+tarts on the table. “Nothing can be clearer than _that_. Then
+again—‘_before she had this fit_—’ you never had fits, my dear, I
+think?” he said to the Queen.
+
+“Never!” said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
+as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
+slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
+began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long
+as it lasted.)
+
+“Then the words don’t _fit_ you,” said the King, looking round the
+court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
+
+“It’s a pun!” the King added in an offended tone, and everybody
+laughed, “Let the jury consider their verdict,” the King said, for
+about the twentieth time that day.
+
+“No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first—verdict afterwards.”
+
+“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. “The idea of having the
+sentence first!”
+
+“Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning purple.
+
+“I won’t!” said Alice.
+
+“Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
+moved.
+
+“Who cares for you?” said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by
+this time.) “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!”
+
+At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
+her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
+tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
+head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
+leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
+
+“Wake up, Alice dear!” said her sister; “Why, what a long sleep you’ve
+had!”
+
+“Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!” said Alice, and she told her
+sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange
+Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she
+had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, “It _was_ a curious
+dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it’s getting late.”
+So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
+what a wonderful dream it had been.
+
+
+But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
+hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all
+her wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion,
+and this was her dream:—
+
+First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
+hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were
+looking up into hers—she could hear the very tones of her voice, and
+see that queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair
+that _would_ always get into her eyes—and still as she listened, or
+seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive with the
+strange creatures of her little sister’s dream.
+
+The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by—the
+frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool—she
+could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
+shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
+ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution—once more the pig-baby
+was sneezing on the Duchess’s knee, while plates and dishes crashed
+around it—once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
+Lizard’s slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
+filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
+Turtle.
+
+So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
+Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
+would change to dull reality—the grass would be only rustling in the
+wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds—the rattling
+teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen’s shrill
+cries to the voice of the shepherd boy—and the sneeze of the baby, the
+shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change
+(she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard—while the
+lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock
+Turtle’s heavy sobs.
+
+Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
+would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
+keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
+childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children,
+and make _their_ eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale,
+perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she
+would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all
+their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer
+days.
+
+THE END 
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
+
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diff -r b2decfc394fa -r 84fa1724b747 src/huffman.lisp
--- a/src/huffman.lisp	Sun Jul 26 15:20:55 2020 -0400
+++ b/src/huffman.lisp	Sun Jul 26 16:49:17 2020 -0400
@@ -2,16 +2,18 @@
 
 ;;;; Counts and Chunks --------------------------------------------------------
 (defun count-bytes (byte-vector)
-  (loop :with result = (make-array 256 :initial-element 0)
+  (loop :with result = (make-array 257 :initial-element 0)
         :for b :across byte-vector
         :do (incf (aref result b))
-        :finally (return result)))
+        :finally (progn
+                   (incf (aref result 256))
+                   (return result))))
 
 (defun next-chunk (counts &key (start 0) (skips 0))
-  (when-let ((start (position-if #'plusp counts :start start)))
-    (iterate (with end = nil)
+  (when-let ((start (position-if #'plusp counts :start start :end 256)))
+    (iterate (with end = start)
              (with skips-remaining = skips)
-             (for c :in-vector counts :with-index i :from start)
+             (for c :in-vector counts :with-index i :from start :below 256)
              (if (plusp c)
                (setf end i
                      skips-remaining skips)
@@ -29,9 +31,10 @@
     (setf start i)))
 
 (defun chunks-to-counts (chunks)
-  (let ((result (make-array 256 :initial-element 0)))
+  (let ((result (make-array 257 :initial-element 0)))
     (iterate (for (start end vals) :in chunks)
              (replace result vals :start1 start :end1 (1+ end)))
+    (incf (aref result 256))
     result))
 
 (defun print-chunks (chunks stream)
@@ -45,7 +48,9 @@
 
 (defun read-chunks (stream)
   (iterate (for start = (read-octet stream))
-           (until (and (zerop start) (not (first-time-p))))
+           (if-first-time
+             (progn)
+             (until (zerop start)))
            (for end = (read-octet stream))
            (for chunk = (read-octets stream (1+ (- end start))))
            (collect (list start end chunk))))
@@ -62,7 +67,9 @@
   (print-unreadable-object (o stream :type t)
     (format stream "~D ~S weight ~D"
             (value o)
-            (code-char (value o))
+            (if (= 256 (value o))
+              :eof
+              (code-char (value o)))
             (weight o))))
 
 (defmethod print-object ((o tree) stream)
@@ -79,7 +86,7 @@
 
 (defun make-tree (counts)
   "Create a Huffman tree from `counts`."
-  (let ((heap (pileup:make-heap #'< :key #'weight :size 256)))
+  (let ((heap (pileup:make-heap #'< :key #'weight :size 257)))
     (iterate (for c :in-vector counts :with-index i)
              (unless (zerop c)
                (pileup:heap-insert (make-instance 'leaf :value i :weight c) heap)))
@@ -97,12 +104,12 @@
 (defun make-code-map (tree)
   "Turn a Huffman `tree` into a code map.
 
-  A code map is a 256-element vector.  The indexes are the bytes, and the values
+  A code map is a 257-element vector.  The indexes are the bytes, and the values
   are `(code . code-length)` conses, or `nil` if that byte was not present in
-  the tree.
+  the tree.  The seemingly out-of-bounds 256 value is the EOF marker.
 
   "
-  (let ((result (make-array 256 :initial-element nil)))
+  (let ((result (make-array 257 :initial-element nil)))
     (recursively ((node tree) (code 0) (code-length 0))
       (etypecase node
         (tree (recur (b0 node) (ash code 1) (1+ code-length))
@@ -120,9 +127,12 @@
                    (stable-sort _ #'< :key #'second) ; sort by code
                    (stable-sort _ #'< :key #'third))) ; then by length
     (for (value code code-length) :in vals)
+    (for char = (if (= 256 value)
+                  :eof
+                  (code-char value)) )
     (format t "~12<~v,'0B:~;~> byte #x~2,'0X ~S has code ~D (length ~D)~%"
             code-length code
-            value (code-char value)
+            value char
             code code-length)))
 
 
@@ -150,7 +160,19 @@
          (map (make-code-map tree)))
     (print-chunks chunks out)
     (iterate (for byte :in-vector data)
-             (encode byte map out))))
+             (encode byte map out))
+    (encode 256 map out)
+    (values)))
+
+(defun extract% (in out)
+  (let* ((chunks (read-chunks in))
+         (counts (chunks-to-counts chunks))
+         (tree (make-tree counts)))
+    (iterate
+      (for byte = (decode in tree))
+      (until (eql 256 byte))
+      (write-byte byte out))))
+
 
 (defparameter *compress-ui*
   (adopt:make-interface
diff -r b2decfc394fa -r 84fa1724b747 src/utilities.lisp
--- a/src/utilities.lisp	Sun Jul 26 15:20:55 2020 -0400
+++ b/src/utilities.lisp	Sun Jul 26 16:49:17 2020 -0400
@@ -6,3 +6,53 @@
 (deftype u8 () '(unsigned-byte 8))
 
 
+(defun random-bytes (length &aux (result (make-array length)))
+  (dotimes (i length)
+    (setf (aref result i) (random 256)))
+  result)
+
+
+(defun compress-octets (function data)
+  (let* ((in (flexi-streams:make-in-memory-input-stream data))
+         (out (flexi-streams:make-in-memory-output-stream)))
+    (with-bits-output (out out)
+      (funcall function in out))
+    (let ((result (flexi-streams:get-output-stream-sequence out)))
+      (values result
+              (list :data (length data)
+                    :result (length result)
+                    :ratio (coerce (/ (length result) (length data))
+                                   'double-float))))))
+
+(defun compress-string (function string)
+  (compress-octets function (flexi-streams:string-to-octets string :external-format :utf-8)))
+
+(defun extract-octets (function data)
+  (let ((in (flexi-streams:make-in-memory-input-stream data))
+        (out (flexi-streams:make-in-memory-output-stream)))
+    (with-bits-input (in in)
+      (funcall function in out))
+    (flexi-streams:get-output-stream-sequence out)))
+
+(defun extract-string (function data)
+  (flexi-streams:octets-to-string (extract-octets function data)
+                                  :external-format :utf-8))
+
+(defun roundtrip-octets (compress extract octets)
+  (multiple-value-bind (data stats) (compress-octets compress octets)
+    (let ((result (extract-octets extract data)))
+      (assert (equal octets result))
+      stats)))
+
+(defun roundtrip-string (compress extract string)
+  (multiple-value-bind (data stats) (compress-string compress string)
+    (let ((result (extract-string extract data)))
+      (assert (string= string result))
+      stats)))
+
+(defun stress-test (compress extract)
+  (iterate
+    (for length :from 2 :below 200 :by 3)
+    (format t "Testing random vectors of length ~D…~%" length)
+    (dotimes (_ 1000)
+      (roundtrip-octets compress extract (random-bytes length)))))